Have you ever noticed how a single criticism can outweigh ten compliments in your mind? Or how that one embarrassing moment from years ago still makes you cringe, whilst countless positive experiences fade away? It's not your fault - it's your brain's built-in negativity bias. But here's the good news: you can change that.
According to neuropsychology research, our brains are literally "Velcro for bad experiences and Teflon for good ones." But with some simple daily practices, we can rewire our neural pathways and create lasting positive change in our lives.
Why We're Wired for Negativity
Our brains evolved with a strong negativity bias for one simple reason: survival. There are five key elements to this bias that served our ancestors well but often work against us in modern life:
Constant scanning for threats: Our brains are programmed to continuously look for bad news, both in our external environment and within ourselves. Example: You deliver a presentation that receives overwhelmingly positive feedback, but you can't stop thinking about that one person who looked bored or checked their mobile.
Overfocusing on the negative: When we spot something concerning, we zero in on it completely, ignoring all the positive or neutral things happening simultaneously. Example: You receive a performance review with 90% positive comments and two areas for improvement, but you spend all your mental energy obsessing over those two improvement areas.
Overreacting emotionally: We have stronger emotional responses to negative events than positive ones. Example: Finding out your train is delayed by an hour ruins your mood completely, while an unexpected upgrade to first class only briefly elevates it.
Overlearning from negative experiences: Negative interactions impact us more deeply than positive ones. Example: You can still recall, word for word, the harsh criticism from a teacher 20 years ago, but struggle to remember the specific compliments you received last week.
Becoming sensitised to negativity: The more we experience negative emotions like anxiety, anger, or inadequacy, the more our brains become wired to experience them again, creating a vicious cycle. Example: After making one mistake whilst leading a high-pressure project, you become increasingly anxious about similar leadership situations, making future mistakes more likely, reinforcing the anxiety.
These natural tendencies then create a sixth consequence in our daily lives - vicious cycles in our relationships with others.
Taking Charge of Your Brain
The mind-blowing truth is that we have far more control over our brains than most of us realise. We don't have to remain victims of our inbuilt negativity bias. Through simple daily practices, we can "level the playing field" and even tip the scales toward positivity.
Neuroscience shows this is a two-step process that's "incredibly simple" yet profoundly effective:
First, you need to experience whatever you want to grow - whether that's confidence, self-compassion, or joy.
Then - and this is the step most people miss - you need to internalise that experience, allowing it to leave a lasting trace in your brain.
"If people actually engage that second step a handful of times every day for typically a breath or two, they are steepening their growth curve and influencing in lasting ways who they're becoming."
Three Steps to Embed Beneficial Experiences
So how exactly do we make positive experiences stick? Here are three evidence-based techniques that take just seconds to practise but can transform your brain over time:
1. Stay with it
Notice good moments throughout your day and pause to savour them for at least one full breath (about 10 seconds). This allows the neural firing patterns to strengthen their connections.
For example: After successfully mediating a difficult conversation between team members, resist the urge to immediately move to the next issue. Take 10 seconds to acknowledge your skilful handling of the situation. Or when your leadership approach is praised in a board meeting, don't brush it off - pause mentally to really take it in.
2. Notice how it feels
Don't just think about the positive moment—actually tune into how it feels in your body. Do you feel a warm glow in your chest after mentoring a team member? A lightness in your shoulders after navigating a complex organisational challenge? That flutter of excitement when your strategic vision gets approved?
For example: When you successfully guide your team through a complex change process, take a moment to notice: Is there a surge of energy in your body? A sense of expanded posture? A feeling of grounded confidence? The physical sensation anchors the positive experience in your memory.
3. Recognise What Makes It Meaningful
Consciously note what feels valuable or enjoyable about the experience. This increases dopamine and norepinephrine in your brain, flagging the experience as important for long-term storage.
For example: After receiving recognition for improving team culture, take a moment to acknowledge why it matters—perhaps it validates your leadership philosophy, confirms the impact of your authentic approach, or represents months of intentional effort. When a strategic initiative succeeds, identify what specific aspect feels most rewarding to you as a leader.
The Power of Small Moments
What's beautiful about this approach is that it doesn't require dramatic life changes or hours of practice. By intentionally savouring ordinary positive moments for just a few seconds at a time, you can accumulate profound neurological changes.
"You've probably spent about a minute, total, maybe two minutes total doing what I'm suggesting here. That itself will change a person."
Whilst the negativity bias served our ancestors well in dangerous environments, most of us no longer need to be on high alert for predators. By deliberately counteracting this bias, we're not engaging in fluffy positive thinking - we're making a "hard-nosed, clear-eyed" choice to reclaim our neural pathways.
Taking Control of Your Attention
In our fast-paced, threat-focused world, one of the most revolutionary acts is simply deciding where to place your attention.
"I don't wanna be manipulated by all these people who are blasting me with threat messages... I'm in control of my own attention. I wanna rest my attention on ordinary, small, but real good stuff in my life." - Rick Hanson
By practising these simple techniques consistently, you're not just feeling better momentarily - you're literally changing who you're becoming from the inside out.
So the next time you navigate a difficult conversation, receive acknowledgement for your leadership, or enjoy a moment of connection with your team, pause. Take a breath. Notice how it feels in your body. Recognise what's meaningful about it.
In those few seconds, you're not just having a nice moment - you're rewiring your brain for greater happiness, resilience, and wellbeing.
And that's definitely worth a minute of your day.